Leanin on that Cougar Fuel yall.
As the first splash of 8-dollar bottle Chardonnay hit my lips, I asked myself:
Where did life divert from the fucking PLAN man?
Drinking Chardonnay out of a GOBLET is not in my Life Plan. In fact, drinking this shit is way the fuck off The Plan, this is the Anti-Plan.
PS: I came up with The Plan when i was 10. I charted my future life out on construction paper with ninja turtle stickers and really cool markers that smelled like different fruit flavors. I don’t remember it clearly, but I do remember some things:
- Marrying Cindy Crawford and Meg Ryan at the same time
- Running into Bill Gates and telling him my awesome ideas for Windows 95 and being made president of Microsoft
- Having a Corvette with secret missile launchers (cherry red)
- Inventing self cooking pizza
